Characters & Descriptions "Writers Challenge #1"
He reached down and took the stone for himself.
vs.
The wrinkled old creature stretched out his decrepit arm to grasp the stone from the cold dead hand of Prentos. "You will not have control over the source of my power, even in death," he delighted as he pulled the stone close.
Who do you picture in these two scenario's? The first, someone is picking up a stone. Other than that, there is nothing else to tell you... well, anything. Writing descriptively is so important on so many levels, you want your audience to feel as they read. The first sentence has no feeling and adds nor leaves anything to the imagination.
Someone reached down and picked something up.
The second sentence says the same as the first, someone picked something up. Though the difference between the two is tremendous. Let's break down the second sentence.
- Who is that someone that picked something up? We don't know. That creates mystery. I know I like a little mystery in my story, how about you?
- We get a small description of what the person looks like in the sentence. It's a creature that is old and wrinkled. It also has some type of deformity. Unfortunately, in my mind, descriptions like this leave little room for the "describee" being a good guy (or girl). Immediately you think... this guy has got to be the villain!
- There is another person who is no longer with the living in the scene. That person, Prentos, has something in his hand but he's dead. We may believe he died holding it just from this sentence. The human mind may even assume from the description that the "wrinkled creature" may be responsible for the death of Prentos.
- What the creature says leads us to believe that, what he's taking from this dead person has great importance to him and possibly something that was sought after for a long time.
Building characters show YOU how your character reacts to the world and how the world reacts to him or her. Do you have to share full description of your character with the reader? No, but it's imperative that you know who your character is to make your story believable.
Now Let's Do an Exercise:
"The boy slumped down in his chair when the teacher called him to the chalkboard."
Let's make two characters for this same sentence.
(Warning: fly by night character building below).
The boy
Name: Billy Beckham
Physical Attributes: White, blonde - ear length air, bleached with black roots, brown sunken in eyes, very thin lips, long face, age 14
Home life: Raised by single alcoholic father who doesn't mind getting rough with him, especially when he's out of booze - or money - or food
Behaviors: Speaks in a mild tone, shy, cries when he is home alone or whenever his father gets drunk and locks him in his room. Can be ill mannered if provoked outside of home but never in school for fear of his father's wrath. Will do just enough to get by without being noticed.
Psychology: usually sad or apprehensive generally keeps to himself. Cynical about life being anything less than miserable.
Sociology: No friends no family. Father beats him, his mother died when he was young. Has family on his mothers side but his father won't let him communicate with them.
The Teacher:
Name: Peirce Price
Physical Attributes: Black, brown hair, brown eyes, muscular build, very round poking eyes, small unusual nose, larger than average lips, age 32
Home life: Married, two daughters 14 years old and 7 years old, wife is an alcoholic (currently in treatment), wife left the family and went to the streets and left him to raise their two daughters by himself.
Behaviors: Speaks fast sometimes, is always smiling, always tries to do the right thing, he brings canned food to the homeless shelter weekly. Though he really can't afford it he wants to teach his daughters how to give, get involved and help others.
Psychology: His outward appearance is easy going but secretly he isn't confident about himself. He constantly worries about keeping his family afloat and if he's raising his children right. He's very protective over his children at home and sometimes his children in the classroom. Kind, open minded to discussing social issues and passive to issues that he doesn't agree with when they don't affect him directly.
Sociology: Relationship with his wife is strained due to her current addiction but he loves her and is inclined to find a way to make his marriage work. He tries to control his wife's addiction by forbidding her to do certain things and that usually backfires and causes her to go drink. His mother and father have a 40 year relationship and he admires what his parents share, he wants the same relationship with his wife. His children both adore him but the oldest has started acting out. He believes it's because of her mother's behavior.
Now that you have an idea of who these characters are:
Can you make this sentence better?
How would the boy respond if I told him that his life was going to be amazing and he had all the time in the world to live out his dreams? What would the teacher say? Do you think one of them would respond with how they really feel about my statement or lie?
By building my character, I have built a persona that will stick with my character throughout the story. The goal is to change that persona in some way by the end of the story... make them see something they didn't before. Make them change an emotional or intellectual stance, evolve in some way. In order to evolve a character you HAVE TO know who they are as a character and what their initial stance is to begin with, otherwise, your character just may not be believable.
Challenge:
Write a descriptive sentence that gives your reader an idea of who the character is, based on these two descriptions, without giving away full description to your reader.
Please, leave your sentences and commentary in the comments, if you dare! 😁
What did you think of my challenge, the sentences and / or the way I presented any of this?
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